


Apex

by Demondogweed



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Humans are space orcs, Humor, alcohol use, and we will fight a gem monster, florida man tm, naked rampage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 01:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16672465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demondogweed/pseuds/Demondogweed
Summary: Blue and Yellow learn why humanity is the apex predator on Earth.





	Apex

When the owner switching pearl had told them that humans were omnivorous, Yellow and Blue hadn’t really thought much about it. Blue knew that the zoomans were easy to feed, but had never really considered why.

Then Steven introduced to them chilli, then soda, then they watched as someone ate something that had to be rotten on the pier. Fish, plants, animals, humans put anything inside them.

They even fermented things and drank it. This was called alcohol (Yellow explained to Blue that came from ethanol) and it made them act strangely.

How strange was witnessed when a naked human ran across the town, jumped into the water and swam like it was meant to be aquatic.

This all would have been more or less insignificant for the diamonds if that human hadn’t then picked a fight with a corrupted gem. It was quite bizarre to watch a naked ape-creature affected by fermented grain not only fearlessly face a malformed monster gem, but actually match it in combat. The monster wasn’t eager to fight, but the human clung to it like a predator wanting to eat it.

At least, that is what Yellow dearly hoped it was after.

Because the closer the scared gem monster got, the louder the human’s yips and cheers became. It was not only riding a gem but having fun all the while doing it.

“Heyyyy ladiiies~” the human yelled as it rode on its new steed past the two rulers of Homeworld.

What was even stranger, was how little the veteran rebels reacted to it. The pearl only grumbling about drunks as she chased after the human.

This was normal, the grain madness, the insane bravery and the subduing of more dangerous lifeforms.

Humans weren’t the apex predators of Earth for nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> This is stupid, written in an hour, but I hope you get a cackle out of it.


End file.
